One of my bucket lists is to read the entire Harry Potter series to Lillian when she gets old enough to enjoy them. However, when I got to thinking "what if I'm not around when she'd old enough?" I had a moment where I panicked. I hadn't thought about it at that angle until today. It's a constant struggle for me not to think about the what ifs in life, and with Jude gone so suddenly I can't help it. I can't imagine my life without my Kidlet in it, but I never thought -- until tonight anyway -- about how she would cope if I wasn't in hers.
So I had the bright idea to record myself reading a chapter each night before bed, one video per chapter. Then once I have those I'll put them on an external hard drive and store them away -- I'll even store them on DVDs and replace them if they get damaged. Basically, I will constantly be making sure that these videos make it in the future. Somehow this entire idea seems very, very precious to me. Even if I'm around to read them to her out loud later in her life, I can imagine her looking at them on occasion when I'm not around.
I don't always have tomorrow. Will I live like I do? Of course, but I won't pretend that it can't happen. I don't have very many videos where I hear my brother, Chris, talking. The ones I do are often ones where he is behind the camera. I still cherish those videos despite how silly most of them are. So I feel like I need to do this; me, and even my husband if he agrees, in front of the camera doing something we love to do.
Reading out loud to our baby girl.